I am currently reading three books, well actually two as I have just finished re-reading Terry Pratchett's Jingo - oh, I just love the way that man writes.  Secondly I am reading a book I have just purchased for a mere £1 by Soraya, writing of spells and psychic powers - well written, easy to understand and very matter of fact.  The third book - and this is the point - is Celtic Women by Jean Markale, a relatively academic book which, considering I read fantasy fiction for pleasure is a bit um...'out there' for me, as I am no longer in 'research mode' or Uni.

Anyway...I am utterly and completely in awe of how actually dumb I am about women who preceeded me.  Now, I am not talking here about the obvious women from my particular period in history like Boudicca, Godiva, the Eleanors of Castille and Aquitaine, Jean D'Arc and even up to Elizabeth I (although my period stops at the end of the Plantaganets in 1399), no indeed, I am talking about genuine er...real sort of 'dark' age stuff.

I suppose technically, calling a book Celtic women must presume pre-Christianity otherwise it would be Welsh, Cornish or Breton.  Oh, this next statement is going to open such a can of worms...'cos TECHNICALLY and LINGUISTICALLY, the Irish, the Scots and the Manx are NOT Celts...they are Gaelic.  They speak Goedelic which in turn became Gaelic...I guess this must be true otherwise, the Welsh, the Cornish and the Breton would be able to understand the Irish, Scots and Manx er...wouldn't they?  What I mean is...as a fluent Welsh (and French - so similar!!!) speaker, I can perfectly understand Cornish and Breton (and understand the written Italian, Spanish and Portuguese languages) but I cannot understand a single word of Gaelic!  Although both Celtic and Gaelic are descended from the same Indo-European language, they diverged and became individual.  Gaelic merged with Viking or Norse and Welsh merged with Latin, Anglo-Saxon and Norman, although surprisingly, not over-much!  So did French, Italian, Spanish and Portugese and these then became known as the Romance languages - Welsh, Breton and Cornish included.  Even though as part of my degree course I studied medieval manuscripts in Latin, Old English, Old French and Old Welsh, I did this largely to study the pretty pictures!  Ultimately, I don't REALLY know as I'm not a linguist just a medieval historian.  I do admit to being completely puzzled that modern day Italian is nothing like Latin though!  Hmmm!  Anyway, although the above statement will probably incite some comments, that wasn't what I wanted to say.

What the author Jean Markale is doing is using myths and legends to extract information about the status of women prior to Christianity.  She mentions in detail all the trapped damsels in distress and how men must overcome many obstacles to achieve the woman's release.  These stories she puts down to men's general adoration of women and the fact that to achieve their goal they have to practically lay siege to gain 'the holy grail'.  She says that these damsels in distress are a euphemism for the vagina and that men, whilst being in awe of it, don't actually understand it.  Look, if this is going to upset people, please do not read any further.  I am not writing this blog to incite arguements or get myself banned for putting across my own interpretation of someone else's interpretation!  Er...I think!

It is perhaps understandable therefore that recent thinking has led to the belief that the 'holy grail' is in fact a woman.  After all, it is alleged that it held the blood of Christ and there are many ways a woman could do that.  The same recent authors also put forward the following...if you look at the front end of a cathedral, where you always see the round usually roseate stained glass window, the two large square towers on either side and then the entrance, usually in darkness underneath the rose window...you effectively have a womb.  The roseate window, it is suggested, is a representation of the clitoris, the towers the legs and the darkened entrance, is the way to the womb.  Jean Markale explains that originally men did not have an understanding of their own part in creating babies and that it was one of the mysteries of the female.  Because of this, women became sacred and their blood loss working with the lunar month became a genuine mystery.  However, when they did find out what part they played...well, that's the history of religion! 

And lighten up...nobody wants to read anymore of that sort of stuff...

...and there are many men who don't think like this...

Nevertheless...

Our understanding today is that the clitoris is the only organ designed for pure pleasure...it has NO other purpose unlike the male member.  So ladies, the next time you successful females, who have clawed their way to the top, are told that you either 'slept with the boss' to get there, or that you are some sort of 'penis-envying dyke', just look down at the area in which they keep their brains, smile knowingly and sympathetically at them and adopt complacent SMUG mode! 

It is also worth bearing in mind that a man's penis performs three functions - THREE mark you, which clearly belies the fact that men have always maintained they can't MULTI task.  They drive, don't they?

1.  Allows frequent exit for bodily fluids, that are almost instantly replaced by alcohol based products;

2.  Clearly demonstrates thought when not encumbered by the above; and

3.  Gains entry to the sacred feminine provided they have worshipped at the altar of our complacency for a suitable period. 

Engage clutch, up the H and accelerate!

Frivolous I know but thought after that sort of beginning I might have been a bit too heavy for a blog!!!!!!!  There is so much more to that book and I might yet create another blog just to discuss it.

Right, a bottle of red wine later and I am now off to bed on the grounds that I am working tomorrow and I'm talking nonsense.

I heard that.  Who said no change there then?